How out of character
by Scallywag
Summary: Ok, changed my mind on the one shot thing.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Ok, this is a one shot, so I won't be continuing it, I don't think anyway. I found this one on a disk I hadn't looked at for a while and finished the first chapter, so I thought I'd post it.  
  
Disclaimer: don't own it.  
  
Title: How out of character  
  
Chapter: "Quidditch practice- or lack there of..."  
  
"What's wrong?" Ron asked, completely absorbed in trying to finish his potions homework, but not so busy as to leave his girlfriend's mood uninquired.  
  
"What's wrong?" Hermione retorted flatly  
  
Ron put down his quill, crossed his arms and swung back on his chair, obviously thoroughly confused as to why his genuine question was being thrown back in his face.  
  
"Yeah, why are you so uptight?" Ron continued, even though Hermione's facial expression was clearly showing signs of protest at his last remark, "You've been acting like you've got a pole stuck up your arse ever since I came back from Quidditch practice"  
  
"Quidditch, enjoy yourself?"  
  
"Don't change the subject."  
  
"I'm not, actually, it quiet ties in with the issue"  
  
"What ISSUE?"  
  
Hermione laughed indignantly  
  
"What issue?" Hermione repeated, "You surprise me Ronald Weasley- and not in the profound way."  
  
Ron now looked utterly stumped.  
  
"Speechless? Lost for words?"  
  
She waited for a response she knew she wasn't going to get.  
  
"How out of character."  
  
Hermione added sarcastically, pushing her chair back from the Gryffindor common room table with a loud screech and standing on her feet.  
  
"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Now who's trailing off the topic?" Hermione walked over to the fireplace, and upon sitting down on the armchair closest to it, she paused, knowing Ron was only acting as if he had absolutely no idea about what she was trying to convey.  
  
"What topic!?"  
  
"Never were quick, were you."  
  
"I resent that!" Ron said, also standing and making his way mid sentence over to Hermione.  
  
"Of course you do."  
  
A several minute uninterrupted silence followed. Ron, thinking that Hermione was just having a bad day, sat on the armchair opposite her and stared into the crackling fire.  
  
".... Is it something I've done?" He asked, not looking at her.  
  
"Guilty conscious, have we?"  
  
"Did I miss the 'speak in third person memo' today?"  
  
"No, you missed the 'fidelity is a key characteristic of a healthy relationship memo- EVERYDAY'"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What does it matter."  
  
"How the hell am I meant to know that- does it even matter at all?"  
  
Hermione shot him a look from the armchair, Ron had assumed the problem was trivial- evidently not.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How much then?"  
  
"What price would you place on your ability to aid in procreation?"  
  
"Big then?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"Well, what is it? Bad grades? PMS? Things not going your way?"  
  
Hermione wasn't impressed.  
  
"Screw you. This isn't something as insignificant as grades, PMS or self absorption- at least on my part."  
  
"So now I'm self-centered?"  
  
"I think, if you'll recount for a second, you'll find the terminology used was 'self absorbed'"  
  
"And I think- if YOU'LL recount for a second- you'll find you have not yet mentioned exactly what it is that I've done!"  
  
"I shouldn't have to. It's fresh in your memory, is it not?"  
  
"Stop with the rhetorical questions already- just tell me."  
  
"It wasn't rhetorical- I had intended you to answer it. But as you've suddenly lost your short-term memory- I'll paint a picture for you, shall I? Or better yet, how about I give MY very own personal recount."  
  
"And of what event would this be?" Ron asked, trying to impersonate Hermione with fancy word arrangement.  
  
"Quidditch practice- or lack there of..."  
  
Ron shifted nervously.  
  
"Me, thinking I'd go down to the fields to support my boyfriend in his quest to play Quidditch decently- still not achieved- decided that the stands were far to far away, and settled for just outside the girls change rooms."  
  
Ron was now catching on. Hermione stood again, bitterly spiting out the rest of the story, walking behind Ron's armchair, and, in doing so, forcing Ron to twist in discomfort, turning in his seat to face her.  
  
"Now, while gazing up into the air, I didn't see you, thought nothing of it of course- how could I with the morally correct image you hand out to everybody."  
  
"Spit it out." Ron spat back quickly in a brief attempt to appear as confident about the situation as she was.  
  
"Do you want to hear how much of your revelations I over heard- saw, rather- or not?"  
  
Ron quieted.  
  
"Not really expecting much to come from me attending your PRECIOUS Quidditch practice I began to pack up my things. If I had perhaps been a little hastier we wouldn't even be having this conversation in the first place. I heard voices inside the change rooms, suspicious, and too curious for my own good, I stuck my head in for a better listen. Regrettably, that has what has brought me to this point"  
  
Hermione cleared her throat.  
  
"Hermione-"  
  
"Give it up, Ron"  
  
"But-"  
  
"You make me sick, ok? Happy with that? I hope you bloody well are-"  
  
"It's not like it's something I set out to do!"  
  
"HA"  
  
"So that's it then? It's all my fault? You had no part in it then?"  
  
"To bloody right I didn't! When I had a problem- I confronted it! When I was hurt- I told you! And when I wasn't 100% content with you I didn't fuck Alicia Spinnet in the change rooms!"  
  
"I hardly think that's your problem!"  
  
"You don't think I have a problem with this? YOU ARE UNBELEIVABLE RONALD WEASLEY- UNBELEIVABLE!"  
  
"Well no one else drove me to it, did they!?"  
  
"DROVE YOU TO IT- I DROVE YOU TO IT?"  
  
"That's not what I meant-"  
  
"THEN WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEN?"  
  
"Ok- REWIND- START OVER-...I'm sorry?"  
  
"Start over? You think we're going to, 'start over'?"  
  
"Well, you know, isn't that usually how this goes? I stuff up- you catch me at it- then you forgive me...right?"  
  
"YOU DIDN'T JUST STUFF UP- YOU FUCKED UP- YOU HAD SEX WITH ALICIA SPINNET! I think Ronald," Hermione continued, regaining perhaps a little composer, that hypothetically, if I did forgive you, you wouldn't learn this very valuable lesson and you'd, how did you put it, oh yeah, 'stuff up' she pronounced bitterly, "again. Whether that be with me or somebody else in the future it doesn't really matter."  
  
"So that's it?"  
  
"That's it"  
  
"You're going to throw away 2 years of-"  
  
"DON'T," Hermione yelled curtly, "pull that guilt trip shit on me, Ronald."  
  
Ron sighed, defeated.  
  
"And don't sigh like that either- it's your bloody fault! And I'd hardly say you're getting what you justly deserve'  
  
"And what exactly would be the just punishment?"  
  
"Strung up to a horse and cart and whipped naked through the streets of Hogsmade."  
  
"I suppose I should be happy with the former then."  
  
"Don't get cocky- I might get bored."  
  
"I might get bored."  
  
"You did, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah..."  
  
"Well, in any case, if you do get bored, from what I hear, that Alicia spinnet is a pretty easy ride. Maybe you should try your luck with that one. Oh wait –TOO LATE!"  
  
"That's not fair-"  
  
"You're right- it's less than fair- on my part. How exactly, just for laughs, did you get in the position where having sex with a fellow Quidditch player was natural progression?"  
  
"It wasn't like that, Hermione-"  
  
"Then what exactly was it like then? Hmm?"  
  
"We were just there and-"  
  
"You were just there? Well then I shouldn't be upset then should I? After all, if she was 'just there' then this must happen EVERYTIME you and a female are in a room together? WELL THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!"  
  
"THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME AND-"  
  
"ONLY TIME??? You'd think you would have picked a line just a little bit less cliché for a speech that is supposed to regain my trust!"  
  
"From what I gather I'm obviously not going to get that back- so why even try!"  
  
"Then why are you still here then?"  
  
"This IS Gryffindor common room. I AM a Gryffindor!" "Well perhaps you were misplaced- AREN'T GRYFFINDOR'S TYPICALLY LOYAL?"  
  
There was the welcome sound of the portrait hole swinging open- followed by the shrill opera, courtesy of the fat lady- and entered came the Gryffindor Quidditch team, bar two, muddy and wet from the days playing conditions.  
  
Sensing that they had just entered an awkward moment, most of them cleared off, spare four: Harry, Ginny, Fred and George.  
  
"ER, alright there little brother?" Asked Fred, cautiously.  
  
"Fine" Ron breathed through clenched jaws.  
  
"Fine?" Hermione repeated, starring down at Ron, "Hardly the correct choice of descriptor, Ronald." 


	2. appalling social skills’

A/N: Ok, so I changed my mind on the one shot thing. But I can't promise anything about finishing it- for a better understanding see my other works. It's choppy, just an excuse for an outlet for sarcasm really. Hope you enjoy.  
  
THANKYOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVEIWED!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it  
  
Title: How Out Of Character  
  
Chapter: 'appalling social skills'  
  
"ER," Harry interrupted Ron's disgruntled expression, "how about a friendly game of wizard's chess, Hermione? Perhaps we can have a crack at improving your skills" Harry reached for Hermione's arm attempting to guide her away from Ron and over to the common room table.  
  
Ron laughed in a strategically patronizing tone, probably preempted for probable events when he was likely to be made a fool of- such as the present time.  
  
Hermione refused to be moved.  
  
'Why not ask Ron, Harry? I'm sure he can tell you all about how he's been improving his SKILLS"  
  
"Oh, Ron doesn't have to improve his skills- I've seen him-"  
  
"So have I" Hermione inserted flatly.  
  
"-Never looses a game!"  
  
"Oh, you're wrong there, Harry" Hermione whispered mockingly, leaning toward Harry's ear, talking I a quiet audible volume, "he lost one this afternoon"  
  
"But we didn't play this afternoon"  
  
"Oh you didn't, but our dear friend Ronald did"  
  
"You're playing for another team- I'LL KILL YOU!"  
  
"NO YOU IDIOT!" Hermione's subtle plan was apparently too subtle.  
  
"What she means to say," Ron chimed in, "is that I had intended to play-"  
  
"-Around? -" Added Hermione. For the present time her actual rage at the situation had subsided- sarcasm was kicking in.  
  
"-The field."  
  
The four adorned in muddy scarlet robes looked thoroughly confused.  
  
Hermione continued, "When he suddenly got the urge to-"  
  
"-Change-"  
  
"-Partners-"  
  
"In the potions exam"  
  
"Which is due today. THE SAME DAY AS HE-"  
  
"-DECIDED TO GO TO BED EARLY- GOOD NIGHT!"  
  
Ron, absentmindedly forgetting his current status with Hermione, routinely pecked her on the cheek before nipping up the boy's staircase, into his dorm, and out of sight.  
  
"Saved" Ron said between gasps  
  
"Saved?" Echoed Hermione  
  
"JESUS CHRIST!" Ron stumbled back, tangling himself in Deans bed curtain, ripping it off its brackets and falling to the floor, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE!"  
  
"The same way I used to every other night!"  
  
"...Oh yeah" Ron chuckled, then straightened up, realizing the seriousness of the situation at last.  
  
"Well, I don't think I need to tell you that that won't be happening from here on out."  
  
"I guess not. It's going to be a pretty dull relationship. Without the sex I mean-"  
  
"RELATIONSHIP! GOD YOU'RE THICK!"  
  
"Well, like I said before, you're going to forgive me," Hermione's face was stern,"-RIGHT...?" He added desperately, "...RIGHT?"  
  
"Afraid not, Ron."  
  
Ron was still sprawled out on the floor, supported by his palms. Looking past Hermione he could see four sets of eyes peeping through the door that had been left ajar.  
  
"Shove off you lot"  
  
"Harry-"Ron began as he sat down at the Gryffindor breakfast table in the Great Hall the following morning, Hermione sitting opposite him.  
  
"-Save it, Ron-"Hermione had taken the liberty of explaining Ron's betrayal to Harry when she woke that morning, finding Harry in the common room, reading a nameless book.  
  
"Great! Now you're pissed at me too!"  
  
"What exactly were you expecting?"  
  
"Forgiveness?"  
  
"You seem to be expecting a little too much of that from everybody of late"  
  
"Fine then. I'm sorry- I-M S-O-R-R-Y"  
  
Hermione, still bitter at the whole episode considered this her flag down signal.  
  
"Very well done, Ronald, "She cleared her throat, and began shuffling some random papers on the table, "Ronald shows excellent use of grammar and recognizes letters appropriately. He's doing substantially well with his math for a child of his age. Yet I have to comment on his appalling social skills- far below sub-normal and I have to admit I have a suspicion that he is of both the male and female gender. He may have problems with impotency later in life, and I think it best if he would desist in the use of the term 'I'm sorry' as this has little to no affect on his peers"  
  
Lavender, who had been sitting next Hermione, giggled into her mug of pumpkin juice.  
  
"Shut it, Lavender- you don't even know what this is about"an unjustly angry Ron remarked  
  
Lavender giggled again, Ron scowled at Hermione.  
  
"Well I couldn't have possibly let you to continue living this lie, now could I?" Hermione said in a mock-concerned tone, patting his hand, which he quickly withdrew.  
  
"I don't see why you're laughing- it's a very serious matter" Ron tried to regain a little of his reputation.  
  
"Then I'd wish you'd start treating it like one" Hermione quipped, perhaps returning to her true emotion, scooping up her books in her arms, toast in her mouth and ushering both herself and Harry out of the room.  
  
Harry glanced over his shoulder as he and Hermione made their way to potions, a class all three of them attended, looking at Ron as if to say 'I know you have no idea what you're bloody doing- but at least rearrange your face to make it seem as if you do!'  
  
So he did. Ron was sure that after witnessing Harry's exit from the Great Hall that Harry was taking the news a little more lightly then Hermione. Until Transfiguration...  
  
"Ok- so I did a bad thing. But I'm willing to-"  
  
"You didn't JUST do a bad thing- and obviously you don't have much remorse for it. I don't think you deserve this forgiveness you seem to think runs on tap from me or from anyone else- particularly Hermione."  
  
Ron's chest sunk.  
  
"But-"Ron tried for a feeble defense.  
  
"You've lost Hermione's trust- and my respect- and if you can't get the basics from us then don't expect me to run to your aid the next time you get your fingers caught in the luggage compartment on Hogwarts Express!"  
  
Though Harry's last response to Ron's inquiry sounded completely ridiculous, Ron knew he was serious, despite his use of laughable language.  
  
The bell sounded.  
  
"I'll-ER-, just...um, leave then. Got stuff to do anyway..."  
  
Harry knew he didn't, this was usually the time of day all three of them went outside to the lake for the short time between last period and dinner. He collected his books into his bag and watched Ron's retreating back leaving the classroom, heading off in an unknown direction. Hermione did the same, walking back to Harry from the front of the classroom where she had taken up residence when Ron had sat down next to Harry at the beginning of the period.  
  
"Where do you 'spose he's going?" Hermione asked, trying to sound off handedly casual.  
  
"I thought you didn't care"  
  
Harry hitched his bag onto his back and walked, slow paced, out of the room, slightly smiling out of view, Hermione at his heels preparing a defense. 


End file.
